when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
