I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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