The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
