I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
