remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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