Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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