I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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