Only a mothe r could love this liver
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
