Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
