I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
