don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
