I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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