My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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