The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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