guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
