i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
