My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
