When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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