something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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