I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
