I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
