if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
