all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
