Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
40s are totally the cure
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
