i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
