you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
