How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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