when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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