Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
