just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
