my vag is so smooth its legendary
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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