i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.