Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
