Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I pour the whiskey from now on