So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.