So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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