We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
