omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
