i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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