For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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