How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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