There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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