She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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