no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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