I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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