This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
that may or may not have been my penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
