She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
