Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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