Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
