we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
