Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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