she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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