I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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