I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
