I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
