Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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