apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
