this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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