so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She needs sedatives and a leash
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
