I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
