My liver just broke up with me...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
