Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
