I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
