i just wanna soil my oats bro
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
