I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
