Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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