If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
