i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
