I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
