I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
