We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
