Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
