Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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