dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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