smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
