btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
