we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
