i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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